


Only A Shadow

by FloorNinja



Category: Brave Police J-Decker
Genre: Angst, Drama, Multi, Occasional Dry Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 15:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1147484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloorNinja/pseuds/FloorNinja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Helping people you love is a good thing. Finding yourself left with a bit of heartache in the process is... something else. One member of the Brave Police struggles with finding his place - and understanding his heart - while undertaking a dangerous new mission. Written by request. Multi-part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. SEARCH: WISHES

**Author's Note:**

> Author: Ninja  
> Author's Note: This is a multi-part story written by anonymous request. (See below.) Thanks for reading!  
> PROMPT: "Was there ever a time after Shadowmaru helped Gunmax and Deckerd get together that he felt left out? Or that his feelings were unrequited? Some angst and feels, pls."

"I have a mission for you."

"More work?"

Saejima Jyuuzou nodded an affirmative: "That's right."

BP-501 - designation:  _Shadowmaru_  - pulled himself upright to settle on his haunches. "Ah," he uttered, his voice light and his pointed canine ears flicking forward, "in that case I'll have to leave the naps to Power Joe."

"Hmm," the Commissioner chuckled before pulling out a file previously tucked beneath his arm. "It looks that way. Here's the information we've gathered on the case."

The echoes of Shadowmaru's shifting armor filled the otherwise deserted hallway of the Brave Police's headquarters. Once transformed, he knelt on one knee and extended a hand to carefully retrieve the small slips of paper being held out to him. It was sometimes inconvenient to deal with things on a human scale, but Shadowmaru liked to believe it kept them humble. He used a fingertip to both lightly balance and gently ease the folder open, and proceeded to scan the contents.

_Interesting._

"I have full confidence you can do the job," the Commissioner was saying with crossed arms.

"It  _is_  how I earn my meals."

"We'll be sure to restock on jet fuel." Saejima nodded at the papers suspended on the crook of one of the larger ninja's digits. ( _No soba?_ ) "We have reason to believe there's an illegal weapons ring popping up in the countryside. The Defense Forces want to know if an old bunker is being used for criminal trafficking."

"A small matter that could become a big problem..."

"Mh. And something we'd rather avoid."

Shadowmaru scrutinized the last page before carefully easing the folder shut once more. With his helm dipping in a respectful nod, he held the packet out for the Commissioner to take back. The man's age-worn hands retrieved the delicate sheets and tucked them back under his arm.

"Why me?" It took a moment for Shadowmaru to recognize that the question had come from him. He studied the commissioner under the shadowed sweep of his headband, curious.

"This will require a lot of reconnaissance," Saejima explained. He grunted a small sigh. "I hope that's all it will need."

Shadowmaru mulled over the data he'd downloaded.

"The sooner we find out what's going on there, the better," the older man continued. "Vice-Commissioner Azuma wants answers as soon as possible." The ninja detective experienced a flicker of amusement at the addendum.

_When doesn't he?_

Shadowmaru registered the sound of boots pivoting on their heel before making their way down the hall. The light in his optics flickered once when he looked up to see Saejima's retreating back as the older man made his way back to his office. "I'll leave this afternoon," the shapeshifter informed him.

Saejima stopped mid-stride to glance back over his shoulder and give Shadowmaru a curt nod. "Report all your findings to me."

"Yes, sir."

The commissioner had just turned around to continue walking when the metallic rumble of Shadowmaru's voice gave him pause for the second time. His words careful, Shadowmaru ventured: "I assume this will be a solo job?"

The commissioner didn't turn around but he did respond: "You're the only one I'd trust with this."

There was a beat of silence while Shadowmaru digested the words. They invoked something odd in him; something one part flattered, and something one part... something else. He pushed himself up to his full height. "I won't let you down," the violet Brave affirmed with a confident salute. He always got things done.

Saejima disappeared down the hall and Shadowmaru watched him go.

_The only one..._

It seemed most things ended that way.

* * *

The high-pitched whine of machinery came to an abrupt stop. The last vestiges of noise echoed through the repair bay when Shadowmaru's system booted back online. Light and color flickered across his visual. A human face - round, sweat-specked but kind - coalesced in his field of vision. The mechanic waved at him from the scaffolding of a repair cradle. "Looks like you're clear," the human announced perhaps more loudly than was necessary. "Um-"

"Release the locks," an elder worker voiced from the ground floor.

"Right!" The mechanic leaned over the edge of the walkway that hung suspended in mid-air. Shadowmaru ran his own internal scan. "Initiate lock release!"

"Releasing locks," another man acknowledged from somewhere near the shapeshifter's left foot.

**:/SCAN COMPLETE.**

Something like static prickled at Shadowmaru's sensors. The tug of the networked monitoring cables hooked into his chassis was almost ghostly, and the presence of the cradle's rudimentary V.I. dull and plodding. He felt the machinery disengage and the artificial presence vanished.

The scaffolding swung back and Shadowmaru stepped out while his plating shifted back into place. He glanced down to his hand and flexed the powerful pistons of his joints. Everything indeed appeared to be in order. Something still felt a little fuzzy, though.

"Mh." He shook off the thoughts he couldn't seem to articulate. When he next glanced up his gaze fell to the bay door. "I'd best be on my way, then."

If the mechanics acknowledged the words then Shadowmaru didn't notice. He moved toward the exit and the daylight that awaited him. He'd heard murmurs about the weather taking a turn for the worse later, but in that moment the sky was clear with broad swatches of pavement illuminated gold by the overhead sun.

A sudden movement beyond the door cast a shadow across the ground just beyond the threshold. Shadowmaru hesitated at the exit at the precise moment Gunmax hooked an elbow at the corner of the doorframe and swung his body inside in a lazy arc. With his visor flashing and his lips quirked into a smirk, the biker's back landed against the interior wall with a short  _clank_. " **Yo** , Shadowmaru," he greeted behind folded arms.

Something in Shadowmaru tightened. "Master Gunmax," he responded on cue. "Pleasant day, isn't it?"

"Heh. Too bad it isn't going to stay that way," Gunmax acknowledged with a snort. He lifted his head and for the first time since he'd swung himself into the ninja detective's path, Shadowmaru felt the other mech's hidden gaze travel over him. His thoughts grew fuzzier. "Where are you off to?"

"A case," Shadowmaru answered with a vague smile. "Why? Looking for company?"

" _Tch._ You're as bad as the old man." Gunmax jerked his chin at the interior of the bay and his grin broadened. "Besides, don't we have Dekkado for that?"

"For..?"

" _Babysitting_  people."

Shadowmaru folded his arms to mimic the smaller Brave's. "So you admit you need babysitting?" he retorted in amusement.

" _Ha!_ " Gunmax flicked two of his fingers at the smiling ninja in a salute. "Eesh... no respect."

"You set yourself up for that one."

"And you jumped on it. Just like a-"

"Don't say it..."

" **Dog on a bone**."

Shadowmaru wanted to laugh and groan at the same time. Instead he did neither - something seemed to have caught Gunmax's eye. Shadowmaru didn't need to turn around to know what it was. He had heard the footsteps enter the bay and felt the familiar ping register on his scanners.

(He glanced beyond Gunmax's shoulder to the paling light outside. Things appeared to already be on their way to overcast.

_So soon?_ )

"Speak of the Boyscout," the biker said.

Shadowmaru swiveled to see their resident Brave Detective - now joined by Duke and Yuuta Tomonaga - speaking with Chief Toudou and a number of the other mechanics on the other side of the room. Duke had an intensely thoughtful expression on his otherwise solemn face, so the discussion was probably meant for him. The knight was still quite new to the station and assimilating much of their culture. Deckerd glanced up and seemed to notice the two stray Braves gathered by the door. His warm gaze landed on Shadowmaru and the tight feeling resurfaced.

Shadowmaru nodded in greeting when their optics met.

Deckerd's gaze then flicked to Gunmax. Shadowmaru caught the edge of movement at the corner of his visual: A small smile now creased the corners of Gunmax's mouth. It disappeared as quickly as it'd come, leaving...

...an even tighter feeling.

Shadowmaru resisted a frown. "Ah well," he broke in with a careful curve of his mouth while unfolding his arms, "you could do much worse."

Gunmax's attention flicked back to him. "Worse?"

"For company." Shadowmaru inclined his helm toward their superior. "Though I doubt you could do better."

Gunmax...  _laughed_. "That's one way to put it."

The shapeshifter noticed Deckerd was smiling back at them - no, at Gunmax. The biker in question had begun fiddling with his hip compartment. A gas can ejected into his hands. He twisted its lid. "Don't take too long, yeah?" he directed at the ninja.

Deckerd had since turned back to the conversation with Duke. For a second Shadowmaru felt his lips move without sound. His voice quickly caught up with him:

"I move fast."

Gunmax had barely touched the tip of the gas can to his lips when he realized the ninja was gone.

* * *

Running away had never accomplished much of anything.

_I didn't run_.

Buildings passed beneath him. Ceilings became stepping stones. The world beyond lost color before his eyes. Overhead, the sky grew chill and rumbled.

He dropped into the city streets with a silent twist of limbs. His tires hit pavement. The next rumbling note came from him as his engine switched its gears.

He moved, and he blended, and when his thoughts had finally unwound enough to think of nothing, he instead thought about his earlier conversation with the Commissioner.

_To have company..._

Hypotheticals were always a fun way to pass the time, and so Shadowmaru considered his options.

Drillboy was an excitable partner, always full of energy and chatter. It could be endearing in small doses ( _very_  small doses) but he was also obnoxious and immature; unsuited for stealth missions. Power Joe shared a number of interests and was always a lively companion no matter the situation, but the power shovel was also impatient and prone to impulsive behavior. Dumpson had the necessary focus but his brashness and tendency for tunnel-vision made him a poor operative. McCrane was a good pick for all the obvious reasons – quiet, intelligent, intuitive,  _patient_  – but the reasons why McCrane would be a good mission partner were the very same reasons why McCrane should always be with his team keeping the rest of them in line.

So the list dwindled.

Duke appeared to have all the right qualities in a mission partner, but he was still too new. Shadowmaru would prefer a more straightforward venture to get to know the Knight Detective on before something like this. The potential was there, however - though he doubted Duke would know what to do with his occasional sense of humor, other than bear it with regal stoicism.  _Perhaps another time._

That left two.

_Deckerd and Gunmax_.

In truth, either of them would be good company to have. They both had special qualities that would be useful and balance his own. They both were people who were nice to be around. They were both the people he really  _wished_  were around.

It seemed like he wished for this sort of thing a lot, and in ways he had no right to. It ached because no amount of wishing would ever make such a thing come true.

Kagerou's memory smiled at him, then flickered out.

_I wish you were here._

Shadowmaru glided through alleys and passed beneath the glittering facade of skyscrapers. His engine was noiseless, his tires silent. The only evidence he had passed was a brief shift of shadow, a matte flash of violet and the slow simmer of heat through the mist that clung to wet pavement. It had rained most of the night before. Shadowmaru – now clad in the guise of an unmarked police car – was heading out of the city and into the outskirts.

Light and silhouettes darted over his armor when he pulled onto a central street. His thoughts felt... fuzzy. Indistinct.

_I never could outrun myself._

Troubled, he tapped into the worldwide information network and ran a simple search.

**SRCH: QUOTES: WISHES.** There were several hundred results; a sufficient distraction.

_If wishes were horses then beggars would ride._  That particular result had an English origin. Perhaps Sir Knight was familiar with that one.

_If wishes were fishes we'd all cast our nets._

Shadowmaru imagined telling that one to Kagerou. It sounded like the kind of thing he'd say when his brother got a little too long-faced. He was sure his prototype would appreciate the irony.  _"You can be such a child, Shadowmaru."_

Kagerou was dead.

The sky was beginning to mist again. The murmur of other vehicles, humans and the surrounding city pressed in on all sides. Shadowmaru's car form came to a slow stop in front of a signal light. Flashes of red lit the dark sweep of his hood and tinted the edges of his mirrors. The vehicle behind him was a bit too close for his liking. Everything felt suddenly too close.

_Yet other things seem so far away._

His engine slipped to idle. Shadowmaru sat inside himself, consumed in what felt a lot like some strange kind of loneliness even though he was surrounded by activity. The light flashed green. His engine warmed again and his tires pulled forward to shatter the still surface of several small puddles.

"Nice car," an elderly voice murmured from somewhere in the crowd. Shadowmaru jerked to attention and caught the briefest glimpse of an old, kind face on his sensors before the crowd blurred together into the distance.

_Thank you._

Shadowmaru flicked his windshield wipers and made for the highway.

_'Nice car'..._

It began to rain.


	2. ADMIN ONLY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This chapter contains references to "Drive" and "Suspicious Activity", though they aren't required reading. Thank you!

 

" _So, you've thought about it?"_

" _About what? Whether robots can feel-?"_

" _That. Yes."_

"Keh!  _Just look at Dumpson and that reporter. Evidence enough?"_

_He'd chuckled. "I see nothing slips by you, Gunmax."_

The rain fell in sweeps. Shadowmaru fired off a quick diagnostic of his systems: His signal strength was still good. He had taps in several different broadcasting frequencies. His queries were running silent; the subroutines he had monitoring the local radio waves were all running in sync, with all the appropriate regulation filters in place. The link to his spy satellite was clear.

The rain was a minor inconvenience but not unbearable. It made things... fuzzy.

But not everything could be blamed on the rain.

Traffic edged out of his way once Shadowmaru's siren locked into place. Though unlit, it gave humans the presence of mind to let him ease by their slower, clunkier vehicles once he was out on the highway. Shadowmaru geared the gas and flirted with the speed limit while the overcast asphalt blurred by on either side. The road wasn't as welcoming as the sky, but there was still something about the whistle of wind and the hard press of earth beneath him that brought a strange sense of comfort. It allowed his mind to drift. It seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

It didn't drift very far.

_Master Dekkado and I have travelled this road before._

Memories murmured at the back of his A.I.. Shadowmaru's internals hummed beneath his chassis while the world ran by in streaks of color faded gray.

_Always good conversations..._

The murmuring grew louder. With it came the flickering march of memory: the two of them on the highway, the race of wheels, the harmonic roar of engines and Deckerd's occasional rumbling laugh.

Shadowmaru thought he might like another of those moments right then. It would be something to preoccupy his mind - another voice to keep him company, to tug his thoughts back when they began to tumble...

_Who might I have been without them?_

(...back down into old, unhappy, far-off things...)

_Without a second chance?_

(...where everything was cold and dark with the water rushing in.)

_That Dekkado knew of - but never spoke of - my pain, even when others had already moved on... To feel that I could hurt in front of him and that he might understand, I think, is what helped the hurting fade away._

Shadowmaru had been a lot of things back when he had first met the Brave Police. Hurt had just been one of them. Angry, weak, confused... Deckerd and the others had seen him at his worst, or close to it. He had come a long way since then, or at least he'd thought he had.

The indistinct feeling resurfaced. Shadowmaru broadened his automated sensor sweeps even as his mind curled deeper into itself, his thoughts latching onto the strange mood that had been haunting him since he'd left on this mission.

Anger flared within him. Shadowmaru didn't have the luxury to waste time pining for people he couldn't have in ways he couldn't have them. He had to focus. He had a job to do: a career. These same people  _depended_  on him.

Lightning arced across the sky. More memories murmured.

" _Shadowmaru."_

" _Yes?"_

" _How are you holding up?"_

He couldn't let them down.

" _Have you ever wanted to laugh and cry at the same time?"_

" _Yes. I... I think so."_

" _Then you understand."_

_No,_  Shadowmaru thought.  _I don't think you do. Not this time._

He took the next exit and disappeared among winding country roads and fields.

* * *

_Boring_.

The grass beneath the shapeshifter's four feet glistened wetly. Shadowmaru slipped between the trees in his canine form, his optics a low-lit orange glow flickering between splotches of green and brown.  _Boring_ probably wasn't the right word to describe most of the missions he got. It was hard to have a healthy perspective on what was boring or not when you led a life as odd as the Brave Police did. Such terminology also implied that his job was about entertainment.

Everything was connected; everything was _important_. The things he did and found out here on his own could solve cases that had lain cold for months. Yes, this was important regardless how much or how little action was involved, and so was he.

So why didn't it feel that way?

Shadowmaru broke into a slow trot. The vegetation grew sparser. He was close now.

The storage bunker in question had once housed several tonnes of equipment, so it would be a sizable facility. Most of the housed material was - according to the information provided - decommissioned armored tanks and other assorted scrap that wouldn't be of much interest to the average citizen. Unfortunately, the police services in this district had suspicions that an insider was using the site as a proxy for illegal sales. It seemed some fellow was looking to make a profit off the Defense Force's leftovers.

In a world where units like him regularly clashed with the cobbled-together automatons of criminals (who had to have gotten the parts to assemble their mecha from  _somewhere_ ,) cracking down on this kind of trafficking was  _important_.

(And there was  _that_  word again.)

The perked ears of Shadowmaru's canine mode flicked upward. Something rumbled in the distance.  _Thunder?_ He accessed the sound file and played it again.

_Vehicles._

His metal sensors were detecting what appeared to be his destination. Some of the data came back fuzzy - it seemed a good portion of the facility was located underground, where the soil and clay disrupted his scanning. With his ears flicking back into place, Shadowmaru slipped across the ground until the bunker itself came into view. He settled his belly against the grass and gazed silently from beneath the sweep of overlying trees.

_Deceptive,_  he thought while studying the area. On the outside the bunker appeared quite small - just a mid-sized building with worn Defense Force insignias, aged plaster and a sturdy door with what appeared to be a live security system. A single camera sat unmoving above the entrance. If that same system spanned the entire facility then a quick hack should solve most of this case for him. Shadowmaru's engine emitted a pleased hum.  _Home in time for dinner, perhaps._ That was always nice.  _Maybe even a quick drive with..._

The hum faltered.

_Enough of that._

Plating shifted silently when Shadowmaru transformed. One of his hands pressed against the soft earth as he lowered himself into a crouch. The press of grass against his digits registered as a faint whisper to his system.  _Such a soft touch_.

Unbidden, the memory of two lips pressed together flickered to the forefront of his mind. Shadowmaru stared at the splay of his hand against the ground below him. He'd gone still.

_Them..._

Slowly, he pulled his hand away.

_..._

_This has to stop._

Shadowmaru pushed off the ground and darted through the trees. His shadow flickered behind the subtle sway of leaves and the shafts of sunlight that lit the forest in a pale glow. The ninja detective was looking for something, and within the span of a few breaths he'd found it; dropping once more into a crouch, Shadowmaru lit one of his hands on the hilt of a katana he unsheathed at his side. His optics narrowed.

Entering the bunker through the front door had not been an option. Not only was that an exceptionally boring way of infiltrating a place, but also the exterior building was far too small and its front door had been made with humans in mind. There was no way Shadowmaru was going to squeeze through there without taking most of the wall with him. This wasn't a Build Team op - the ninja detective enjoyed a bit more finesse in his work.

Luckily for him, the bunker had a back, and in that back area the ground had been peeled away to reveal the metal covering of a large below-ground cargo elevator. If it was big enough to haul tanks then it would be a cozy enough fit for him. Shadowmaru lifted a brow and studied the road that wound away from the unloading site. A second sweep of his scans revealed a line of unsettled soil and freshly churned mud. It seemed someone had been here, and recently. The vehicles he heard must have just left. If that was the case, then perhaps it would be a while before they came back.

The corner of his lip twitched upward: "I wonder if they left the key under the welcome mat as well?"

Sheathing his katana once more, Shadowmaru emerged from the trees. He could sense no human presence but he'd had enough experience with dampeners and sensor distortion to know that wasn't a guarantee he was alone. There was a chance this place had other guardians, one of which was the security system he'd noticed earlier. The violet mech studied the sealed elevator opening with a critical eye before turning his attention to a nearby security panel. Beyond it, attached to the back wall of the building, was another camera. The ninja's optics reflected green in its circling lens.

_I would smile, but I doubt anyone is watching._  Shadowmaru's lips thinned when he lifted a hand and placed a finger against the crest of his headband. "Hacking system: online!"

**:/INITIATING HACK.**

The security camera's lens swirled violently before shuttering back with a click. With his optics dimming, Shadowmaru accessed the connection. His systems pinged with a sudden influx of queries. The facility's security system didn't recognize him. It requested a series of permissions, all of which Shadowmaru ignored.

/Not exactly a V.I., are you?/ he transmitted to the system computer. /I'm just here for a peek./

**ADMIN ONLY** , the system responded in clipped, lifeless code.  **ADMIN_?**

Shadowmaru bypassed the credential check and continued his infiltration. He was looking for the central security module; from there he could tap all security cameras in the facility, both above and below ground, which would give him a better idea of what he might be getting into. He also needed to unlock the elevator. A ping from his scanners alerted him to the fact that he'd done just that; the elevator doors cycled open with a number of clicks and churning gears.

**UNAUTHORIZED?_**

/I apologize. Let me introduce myself,/ Shadowmaru said while deflecting a number of the computer's further inquiries. /My name is Shadowmaru. And you are?/

**ADMIN_ENTER(INVALID;OVERRIDE)_?**

Shadowmaru located the security cameras: eleven in all. /A pleasure to meet you./ He initiated a tap of each.

Images flickered across his datalink. Trees, grass, a front door, a road; one by one the shapeshifter flipped through the channels until he came to the interior cameras. Empty hallways and gray walls were not very thrilling to look at, but Shadowmaru studied them anyway. He continued flipping: more hallways... what appeared to be a control room, some storage, followed by an overhead view of the inside of-

-a warehouse.

The ninja's mind cycled to a halt.

_Dust on the floor... empty wooden crates and old, cracked concrete. This place looks so much like..._

The feed went black, but by then it was already too late. A memory surged forward.

_"You believed in me."_  Shadowmaru shuttered his optics at the sound of Gunmax's voice, still so fresh in his mind. He  _did_  believe in him. He had been one of the first to believe. Maybe, just maybe, he was one of the only ones who understood him. But Gunmax hadn't said that to him.

_"I didn't care for it at first,"_  Gunmax's voice continued as the memory played on. Shadowmaru was back in the warehouse - back in the overhead beams, shrouded in shadow and hidden from sight, watching over something he had no right to. Unable to bring himself to leave, pretending it was because it wasn't the right time. A lie.

_"It was the last thing I wanted,"_  Gunmax had said to the mech in front of him. Both of them had been unaware of their shadow, had thought they were alone. _"But..."_

Shadowmaru's thoughts raced.  _This has to stop!_ He went to shove the memory aside but found himself hesitating instead.

_"...I have feelings for you, Dekkado."_

His brows knotted.

_"I feel the same way,"_  Deckerd's voice replied. For a second it almost felt as though these words had been whispered against Shadowmaru's audial, as though they were also meant for  _him_ , and in that moment Shadowmaru hated nothing more than how much he desired for that to be the case.

_No, you don't._ The rest of the camera feeds went black when the ninja yanked the connection. Static filled his head. Seconds passed.

No one had seen it. No one would ever know about these slips of composure or the thoughts that tumbled through his head. Yet despite this, Shadowmaru felt ashamed.  _He_  knew what he felt, and that was more than enough. To have everyone else spared of his tantrums was merely a grace.

_You were right, brother. I am a child._

Shadowmaru shifted his attention back to the security system computer he was still hacked into. It pinged him again. /I'm sorry you had to see that,/ Shadowmaru informed his company in a tone too soft for something that did not feel. /Though it haunts me in ways I did not predict, playing a part in their lives is something I will never regret./

**ADMIN_?** it replied.

The ninja detective cut the link.

Shadowmaru rebooted his optics and lowered the hand he'd had pressed to his forehead. The security camera before him hung lifeless and still, its lenses dark. Shadowmaru studied his reflection and noted the troubled frown creasing his lips. Shaking his head, he pressed two fingers against the bride of his nose and sighed. "No regret..." A wry laugh warmed his vocalizer.  _And here I thought I was doing well with only one ghost._

Shadowmaru boarded the elevator and descended into the dark. The graying sky above him faded black once the overhead cover cycled close.

And as before, he was alone.

* * *

The bunker's interior was a mix of immaculately clean rooms and floors covered in sprawls of grime, machine parts and old paper. Whoever still frequented this place certainly had their preferences as to what parts of the building they favored.

Shadowmaru surveyed the hallway before him. Strips of scraped paint near the floor evidenced that large machinery or trolleys had been through there recently. Much of the facility was nondescript and bare; the winged Brave found himself missing the sky the farther in he went. He had never been the biggest fan of being underground - that sort of thing he happily left to Drillboy. As far as Shadowmaru was concerned, it felt smothering.

**Clink.**

"Hm?"

The ninja came to a stop just before a turn in the hall. He rested a hand against the wall and listened for the sound again.

**Clink-clink clink-**

_Company?_

Several shapes beyond the wall flared red on his metal sensor before the hall in front of him exploded in a cacophony of laser fire.

" _Tch-_!" Shadowmaru shoved himself into a neat vault that sent him backflipping just shy of several hundred degrees worth of flying plasma. The plaster behind his head sizzled molten gold when he landed and brought his sword up to deflect the arm of a large, silver mechanoid with an aged Defense Force insignia peeling off the front of its chest. Sparks flew as metal crumpled beneath the strike of the katana's hilt; the mecha brought its other arm around in a neat swing only to have the same blade sheer through its metal plating with a shriek of shattered pistons. Oil sprayed from the stump while the rest of the arm skittered past Shadowmaru's feet to land further down the hall.

More mecha piled into the hallway. Shadowmaru flung the crippled one into the group and watched it slam several back into a sparking heap of flailing limbs. "I've had friendlier greetings," the ninja said with a grunt when one of the mecha leapt over its brethren and opened fire with an arm-mounted cannon. Shadowmaru leaped back and dodged a series of volleys when the mecha's aim chased his movements, scoring the wall beyond with rings of sizzling plastic and smoke. A glint between Shadowmaru's fingers was all the warning it got before a shuriken embedded itself in its single optical visor, shattering the glass. It pinwheeled back with a mechanized howl as flames erupted from the fractured sheeting of its face.

_A weak spot!_

Shadowmaru side-stepped another volley of laser fire before lunging into the group of recovering hostiles. Beyond the hum of supercharged weaponry and grinding limbs, the whistle of Shadowmaru's blade arcing through the air was barely a whisper. Oil splattered the ground, dribbling brown, and the next thing he knew he had the last standing mecha slammed against the wall with his arm crushed against its lifeless throat. In the cracks of its broken visor, Shadowmaru was faced with his own angry snarl.

"And what are you?" he demanded of the struggling thing. "A security drone?" He glanced down over its smoking frame.

**"NO LIFE SIGNS DETECTED."**

One of its wrists snapped back to reveal the whirring spin of blades. Shadowmaru's other arm shot up to knock the limb aside.

Too late.

Pain lanced down his frame. Shattered violet and red armor littered the floor around him. Arcing veins of electricity spit sparks where the blades had scored him deep. The limb in Shadowmaru's grip twisted to the tune of snapping gears as they struggled over splattered oil and smoking remains.

" _Enough!_ "

The mecha's movements faltered. The handle of a shorthand blade glittered gold from deep within its torso plating.

Shadowmaru met its empty stare.

It shuddered in the silence. Its optic flickered once, a dull and flittering red, before going dark.

The blade slid free.

With his arm aching, Shadowmaru listened to the drip of oil and wondered why it didn't hurt as much as having a heart did.


	3. LIFE SIGNS

A cursory examination of the mecha remains revealed that they were indeed old Defense Force securitrons. They'd no doubt spent years guarding the storage site when it was still seeing use and had been left behind when operations had moved elsewhere. Shadowmaru had studied the mangled models with a degree of sympathy; at one time, they had been reliable tools.

( _Is this what humans see when they look at us? And would they be wrong?_

He shook the thought away.)

Someone had since done a bit of renovating, however. The security mechs had been haphazardly upgraded since then; their internals were a mix of old and new parts, several of which were only tenuously compatible. The Ninja Detective left them where they lay and resumed his inspection of the facility. They would be good evidence for the local authorities.

Another door now stood before him. Shadowmaru flexed his injured hand. In the other he clasped several bits of his forearm armor that he'd retrieved off the floor. If the layout in his head was correct, this was the warehouse portion of the facility he had seen earlier. More importantly, it might be where he could find something to repair himself while he waited for proper tending back at headquarters.

He hesitated at the threshold. Then, mouth set firm, he cycled the door open and stepped inside.

Dust floated before his optics amid tiny motes of light.

The interior of the warehouse was brightly lit. Crates and stacked metal containers were strewn along the walls; long rivets in the concrete beneath his feet testified to the use of heavy machinery. He moved with purpose and slow steps further in. Something about this room felt off, and for once he was sure it had nothing to do with memories of a similar place and much different circumstances.

A long berth against one of the far walls drew the ninja's attention. It appeared to be an impromptu work table. He spotted soldering equipment and several other items, some of which he could use. Glancing back at the rest of the room, Shadowmaru made his way to the work station and began studying the assembled items. One of his hands reached out to delicately flip a welding saw. Several faded initials were engraved in the side. He indexed them in his database for later.

" _Sh-w-maru?_ "

Shadowmaru's head snapped down at the sudden outburst of noise. Within seconds he had his Brave Police badge ejected and flipped open in a flash. "This is Shadowmaru," he answered with a puzzled lilt to his voice. "I'm surprised you can reach me down here." Their badges, while optimized for range, still had issues carrying signals below ground.

The badge's screen was a steady loop of flickering white and gray. Shadowmaru watched the flickering lines in bafflement. Who would be trying to reach him? "This is Shadowmaru," he repeated. "Your signal's weak. Who is speaking?"

" _-ru. For-et-uva-tch-!_ "

Uh. Well, sure. The violet mech brought the badge closer to his face. "Are you receiving?"

" _-eive okay. Wh-? -ere?_ " There was a sudden violent roll of static. Shadowmaru felt one of his brows twitch slightly. This was getting nowhere.

"I hope you didn't have anything important to tell me," he informed the empty screen.

There was another burst of static, then: " _-_ _ **raugh**_ _! Stupid piece of cr-_ "

Only one person in the world could make a sound of anger like that. "Mr. Kung-Fu?"

" _-ap tech- wait, are you there?_ " The screen flickered yellow for a second. " _Oh, hey! L-k at that. Hanging out a -dow does work._ "

"I see."

" _B-oy this is em-rrassing,_ " Power Joe continued. " _The Comm-ioner wanted to ch-k in. Got more w-rk for you._ "

_Never a dull moment._  Shadowmaru nodded. "I'm almost done here," he replied while sorting through the larger tools before him. It was then he noticed something interesting: a peculiar seam on the far side of the room. Abandoning the tools, he slipped over a number of crates to the area in question and found what appeared to be a small, inset panel located partway up the wall. His scanners traced the unusual formation.  _This wall isn't solid. There's another room beyond this one._ Data flickered over his feed.  _A storage unit of some kind...?_

" _Bett-r you than me_ ," the power shovel was saying. Shadowmaru's fingers traced out the panel he'd discovered. It looked rudimentary enough. Power Joe said something else, but the words were so choked with white noise Shadowmaru only pretended to be paying attention. " _-er. The- -ax and Dek-ado-_ "

Shadowmaru's hand froze where it was. "What about them?" he asked before he could stop himself.

" _Out_ ," the combiner answered. " _-'m so bored_."

The gentle whine of straining actuators alerted Shadowmaru to the fact that his sudden tension was not being kind on his damaged arm. He vented a frustrated sigh. He was too on edge - to have their names spoken be enough to distract him like this was bordering beyond shameful now. "You must be," he replied and forced his attention back to the panel. He worked on peeling off the thin plastic cover.  _Out... they must be spending time together_. "You're talking to me, after all."  _Pleasant, I hope._

Power Joe barked out a laugh and Shadowmaru felt the corner of his mouth lift into a small smile. The panel cover snapped off in his hands. The winged mech slid his armor pieces into a hip compartment for safe keeping while he worked on overriding the lock. Raw wires beneath his fractured armor sparked dully. Pain barely registered any more.

A sudden click of levers and a groan of sheet metal signaled Shadowmaru's success. He stepped back from the door and watched the seams split apart as it opened. It was large - _very large._

" _-s that?_ " Power Joe asked. He must have been referring to the noise.

"Work," Shadowmaru answered. "And I should get back to..."

The words trailed off when Shadowmaru realized what lay before him. Lights, mounted on the walls stretched either side, flickered on. His brows lifted.

"...One closed case," he murmured.

" _Eh?_ "

"A moment." He flipped the badge closed and slipped it back into its latch.

There was indeed another room, and it was filled to the brim with decommissioned weaponry. Toward the back of the area was a pile nearly as high as the ceiling itself, filled with artillery shells, tank-mounted machine guns, mech-grade cannons, it was all there - along with a wall of partially deconstructed military tanks, hard-suits and several more unfamiliar piloted mech models. Shadowmaru's attention flicked over the assembled material and clicked his tongue against the back of his teeth. Someone had made a pretty nice haul for themselves. His gaze fell to the canopy of a half-assembled Highway patrol G-class bike.  _Highway Patrol as well?_ Saejima's suspicions of there being a larger criminal network weren't looking too far-fetched.  _Perhaps someone like Kirisaki would-_

A loud rumbling halted Shadowmaru mid-step. His wings flared as he dropped into a defensive stance. "Who's there?" he demanded while scanning the room. "Speak!"

The heap of weapons exploded outward. Searing red lights swept the room as a powerful mech bristling with serrated armor plating lunged forward with a booming crack of thunder.

Shadowmaru leapt aside as the floor where he'd stood shattered with the force of the mecha's fist. The ninja grit his teeth and raced along the wall to scale the nearest heap of debris. The hulking machination swiveled to fix all three of its red-lit lenses on the Brave now standing poised with swords drawn. A sharp click heralded the release of two shoulder-mounted canons releasing from its back. Their reticules whirred to life with a loud hum.

"Having a nap, were you?" the shapeshifter bantered with a smile.

**"NO LIFE SIGNS DETECTED."**

The mech fired. Shadowmaru lunged, the flash of his optics searing white like lightning.

* * *

It was raining again when he emerged from the facility.

He heard the steady fall before he ever saw the misty sweeps of grey. The patter of raindrops across his exposed wiring caused the shapeshifter to flinch. They were a hundred soft breaths against an enflamed wound. As always, the pain he could bear.

The softness, however...

Shadowmaru exited the elevator as soon as it came to a stop and stepped out onto the grass. The ground was beginning to mist. Wisps of it collected about his feet. Shadowmaru watched the vapor rise before lifting his face upwards.

Gray clouds cast shadows across the land. Rainwater streaked across his cheeks and collected at the edge of his lips. A sigh made it shiver.

_Unfavorable._

He was referring, of course, to his connection to his spy satellite. Mmoisture in the atmosphere always caused a bit of lag, but an answering ping from the satellite itself let him know his request had gone through. Any moment now the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department would be getting a notice clearing them to send officers out to secure the site. They'd want to get in contact with the local authorities first, of course. It could take anything from ten minutes to two hours before someone arrived to confiscate the weapons and the mechs. That behemoth in the warehouse should be a treat to drag out of there... in several pieces.

Shadowmaru shifted his attention back downward. With one hand, he gently covered the gaping wound on his left arm. Heat from the bare metal warmed the cradle of his palm. The rain, still heedless, painted the backs of his hands a misted silver.

_And then there was one._

Plating shifted and Shadowmaru, once more sporting all-fours, raced off into the trees with a graceful bound.

* * *

_"Do you ever slow down?"_

Shadowmaru touched the tip of his nose to the surface of a small pool. Ripples scattered before him into the reflection of his two glowing, orange eyes.

_"I enjoy a bit of scenery now and then."_

_Gunmax cocked his head at the ninja in front of him. The orange glow of his optics shone blue against his visor. "Like the pier?"_

_His mouth moved silently. Then he answered: "Yes. I go there often."_

_Gunmax's face was unreadable when he replied, "I know."_

Shadowmaru looked across the water. Long grass and fields stretched far into the distance. He could see a small hill and a bit of road off to the east; It was the same road that led to the bunker not far beyond the tree-line behind him. It looked like no one would be coming back to check on their goods today. A shame... the ninja detective still had a bit of fight left in him.

He limped along the length of creek toward the nearest patch of woods.

_"Shadowmaru. I want you to know that your well-being is important to us."_

_The sculpted edge of the shuriken he held glinted in the overhead light. Shadowmaru looked up from his work and met the Brave Detective's gaze. "Of course," Shadowmaru replied, unsure of how else to respond._

_"Not to alarm you," Deckerd explained with an uncertain smile, "but I thought it was worth saying again."_

_Shadowmaru set his sharpening tool aside and managed his own offhand smile. "You've already made the rounds with the Build Team, then."_

_The blue mech hesitated. "I hadn't..." He stopped and seemed to mull over his words. "They know."_

_"And I don't?" Shadowmaru flipped the shuriken again. "Your words are appreciated, but please - don't feel as though you have to give me special treatment."_

_"You're making this easy on me."_

_The shuriken flipped again and Shadowmaru's smile turned wry. "I've a few things to make up for."_

_A sudden pressure against his shoulder alerted the ninja to the presence of Deckerd's hand. The patrol car's expression was a mix of distance and a wide, earnest smile._

_"We're glad to have you on the team, Shadowmaru."_

_"Are you?" He'd meant it as a joke._

_Deckerd's optics brightened. "I am."_

_He felt his engine warm._

Shadowmaru registered the kiss of rain against his armor with renewed interest. It felt unusually chill. No -  _he_  felt unusually  _warm_ ; a warmth no longer confined to archived feelings from the past. The violet tracker stopped in front of a large oak and transformed.

_I could use something other than memories to keep me company,_ Shadowmaru thought with a trace of amusement and something sadder. Now standing, he reached out to catch a few stray drops of rainwater dripping heavily from the tree branches. The weather had lightened up again. Shadowmaru tipped his palm and watched the water trickle out. It ran so much swifter than oil tended to. The shapeshifter had ample experience with such things.

Shadowmaru drew the outstretched hand back against him and watched his fingers curl into a fist. "Kagerou..."

_Even you, brother_.  _Even you are memory._

His fingers relaxed, though the thought still burned through him. Sadness seared his chest with the sudden twisting, writhing pang. It's what loss felt like. Shadowmaru had ample experience with that as well.

If experience was what made adults of children, then he wondered what childhood was. Kagerou had once posed a similar question. That, too, was a memory now.

_But even so, it's mine to keep._ Shadowmaru smoothed his other hand along the oak tree's weathered bark. Beneath the sensitized pads of his fingertips he felt, perhaps,  _something_... something like a pulse, both warm and faint.

_Not everything I hold so near is rightfully mine._

His hand fell.

Shadowmaru turned to lean his back against the tree. Sliding down into a quarter-kneel, the ninja detective drew one knee up and rested his injured arm against the white and violet plating. Once his head had lowered the golden plate of his headband met the cracked crimson of his forearm with a gentle  _clink_. "How easy it would be," he mumbled, "to feel nothing. To know no loss and no kindness, so that kindness could never be missed."

His optics dimmed. Somewhere beyond the ache he felt there existed the same warmth from earlier. Shadowmaru reached inside himself and drew it back out. The painful knots that had seized his being began to loosen under the remembered light of Deckerd's smile and Gunmax's steady gaze. Their presence, even imagined, touched him in a way the loss could not.

"How easy."

But life wasn't easy. If  _living_  had taught him anything, it was that - and with that thought, Shadowmaru heard himself laugh once, the sound of it as surprising to him as it was, well, to anything else that might have heard it.

_You knew that well, Kagerou, but still you asked me to live. If it weren't for your love, I'd think you were playing a very sick game._

_You of all people knew the cost, but perhaps that's what enabled you to dream of better things._

And with that thought, he drifted.

* * *

_The mist falls like rain. Through it, he sees his brother smile._

_"What are you grinning at, Kagerou?" he demands, upset and unsure why._

_His prototype's visage flickers softly in the veil. "You made an effort," Kagerou answers in a quiet voice._

_They're back in the arena; back in the facility where they were born. Everything is blue shadow and shafts of light._

_"It wasn't good enough," Shadowmaru says._

_"Try again."_

_Kagerou is pointing at a target on the far side of the arena. Above them, mounted on the lighted beams that ring the room, automated cannons swivel and track every movement. The world flickers again. Before he knows it, Shadowmaru is in the air with a sound of thunder. His jet form sears through shadow and banks hard. There's a click of his own guns releasing._

_He opens fire._

_Bullets rake the arena floor, hard and glistening, shattering the silence and the circular target itself into a hundred pieces that shimmer in the light._

_"Ha ha!" He laughs and engages his transformation; his thrusters erupt to life beneath his newly formed feet and he hovers in mid-air with wings fanned wide and mouth laughing. "Did you see that, Kagerou?"_

_When there's no answer, he swivels. "Kagerou?"_

_The room is empty._

_Shadowmaru cuts his engine and lands with a silent thud. With wide optics, he walks hesitantly to where his prototype once stood._

_"Kagerou..?" The name echoes in the silence._

_"Shadowmaru."_

_He turns at the small sound. The floor shifts beneath his feet. Walls melt into gray sky. Dusted concrete stretches into a silent, lifeless city street._

_Kagerou is kneeling where the target once stood. His head is bowed._

_"Kagerou?" Shadowmaru repeats. He takes one step forward and then another._

_"Why, Shadowmaru?"_

_He's stunned by the quavering note in his brother's voice, but nothing chills him like the sight of red-brown oil webbing the ground beneath Kagerou's knees._

_"Kagerou!"_

_He rushes forward. His legs are something more than lead; clumsy, shaking, like a child who cannot walk or run. The world shifts. He collapses, feeling broken but registering no pain. His hands grip Kagerou's shoulders. He shakes his shadow; tries to speak his name. Only static comes out._

_Kagerou raises his head and suddenly it's Deckerd's face that greets him. "Why didn't you?" the brave mech asks as Shadowmaru gapes at his ravaged, sparking face._

_"Dekkado, we have to-" He's found his voice again, somehow, but now he doesn't know what to say._

_"Why didn't you save me?"_

_Shadowmaru's hands shake._

_The chieftains..._

_"Are you afraid?" Gunmax's voice is a whisper at his helm. There's a weight on his shoulder, as though Gunmax is behind him and leaning heavily on one arm. Deckerd's fluids stain Shadowmaru's arms an oily black._

_"Is that what you are?" Gunmax asks again. "Afraid?"_

_Shadowmaru can't turn around. He finds he cannot face him. He can't face anyone, but when he looks up he sees them all: Build Team, Yuuta, Kagerou, and finally Gunmax - his visor broken, one arm missing and sputtering at the joint, and his gaze amber and cold._

_"We have to help him," Shadowmaru cries out. "Why aren't you helping? Mini-Boss- Gunmax! Gunmax, your... you need- Kagerou, we have to-"_

_"What can you offer us," Deckerd whispers at his chest, and Shadowmaru feels the words as sparks, "except fear?"_

_Shadowmaru opens his mouth to answer when the water comes rushing in._

_He's back in the Abyss. The walls are creaking; chill and black, the current sucks him in, beneath the sudden overflow._

_"There's nothing here," says Kagerou._

**THERE IS NOTHING HERE, ANYMORE.**


	4. FIREWALLS

Shadowmaru jolted online.

"What-?"

It took several seconds for his A.I. to defragment. Jumbled data wound like vines throughout his processor. He tracked the leak down to his memory banks, where it was quickly patched and diverted to subroutines for unpackaging.

This had happened before.

Shadowmaru checked his internal chronometer. Four minutes point twenty-seven seconds had passed since he'd slipped into idle. The ninja resisted the urge to pinch at the bridge of his nose and settled for a gusty exhale against his forearm instead.

"That's what stress will do to you," he said to no one.

He needed coffee.

Instead, Shadowmaru settled for straightening into a sit. He popped open his left hip compartment and carefully removed several pieces of the shattered armor pieces he'd stuck there earlier. His damaged arm was still sparking dully with every movement he made. The bare silver metal of his inner frame glinted beneath the webbed and fractured metal. It had reached a peculiar kind of 'soreness' by now, or at least, it was what a robot could imagine soreness to feel like. Shadowmaru stifled a grimace and leaned back to hold the injured limb before him.

_Time to do something with myself before my mind starts wandering again._ He'd rather not admit how afraid he was that it would.

_"Is that what you are? Afraid?"_

Normally he would wait until he returned to headquarters so that Toudou and his trusted team of engineers could see to his repairs. Even a cursory glance revealed that Shadowmaru would still have to do just that. The damage was too extensive in certain places for him to tend without some kind of equipment. Toudou did fine work... but perhaps he could help himself a little, too.

"Much better than wallowing in pity, anyway," he muttered to himself. He wanted to feel irritated but found he lacked the energy. His fuel levels were fine enough, but that wasn't why he felt weary. Shadowmaru doubted very much there was anything physically wrong with him (other than the obvious.)

It would be nice if it was, because then it - like this injury - could be fixed. Bam. Problem solved. No more burning, no more unknowns, no more  _heartache_ : just a well-oiled machine.

_And I should be happy about that not being the case?_  Shadowmaru wanted to laugh. He found his grimace transforming into a wry smile instead when he shook his head.  _Miss Azuki..._

_What business does a machine have yearning, anyway? In real life, not some B-movie plot._

He placed a finger on his fractured wrist and jolted.

_Gah!_

Pain flared across his sensors. It was a white-hot stabbing that sizzled long after he'd jerked his hand away. He swore quietly and held his headband while he stared at the injury. At least he wasn't the source of  _this_ particular little problem.

_Self-pity. Now there's an answer to nothing._

Wiser now, Shadowmaru reached out a second time. Frayed wiring glowed white beneath the shadow of his hand. He tenderly touched it again.

_Yikes!_

Pain refreshed itself in his sensors. He expected it, and bore the brunt with a hard set of his jaw and a creased brow. Upon releasing a pent-up hiss between his teeth, Shadowmaru proceeded to tenderly untangle some of the more sensitive circuits that had started to melt through their casing. Beyond the pain there was a sense of throbbing warmth. He kept one part of his A.I. focused on the feedback from his system, both indexing his internal temperature and other functions.

It was fascinating, in a way. Pain, that is. A part of him studied his own reactions curiously while his hand delicately worked against the broken frame of his arm.

_Mindless drones feel none of this. They don't even seem to be aware when they're injured._

_Although, when Kagerou's body had been taken..._

Shadowmaru grimaced when a wire sparked between his digits. Its embers danced across the naked silver of his inner frame and flicked out against a shattered span of violet. A hurt not unlike hooked claws grinding into his frame crawled up the workings of his arm.

It wasn't  _all_  bad. Feeling was more than pain; with feeling came the ability to appreciate the warmth of sunlight, the last clinging droplets of rain and the feeling of clean air and grass. Feeling had permitted him memories of Kagerou and the moments they had shared: weapons glancing off each other, hard nudges and shoulder pats between two who might have been brothers. Even if machines like himself weren't truly alive, it was at least convincing enough, sometimes, for him to consider what it might be like otherwise.

_I wonder what they feel? The ones who occupy my thoughts so..._

_...and my 'dreams'._

Shadowmaru frowned a fraction and picked a piece of shrapnel out of his elbow joint. Breach warnings flared across his A.I., temporarily blinding his thoughts white. His fingers flexed and became fists; actuators whined beneath the force.

_Why are we drawn to such things as love?_

There was no mistaking it. Deckerd and Gunmax were not the first Brave Police units to get involved in the touchy-feely stuff - McCrane and Dumpson (and their respective lady friends) were evidence enough of that. The former were unique in that there was no skin involved, but what did that change? There was  _something_  there. Shadowmaru had recognized it, clear as day. Not doing his part in helping Deckerd and Gunmax move their relationship along would have been a disservice to them both, regardless of how conflicted he'd felt doing so. Yet after all this time, and all this confusing and muddled yearning on his own part for both of them, just what was he yearning  _for_?

A touch? A glance? Some sliver of something that was the opposite of this unpleasant feeling when he poked himself and registered pain? If so, what was that feeling called, and what was it like?

_Love?_

It wasn't Shadowmaru's place to wonder what Deckerd and Gunmax felt when they felt each other, yet the unknowable - and unattainable - seemed to nip at his thoughts. He couldn't  _ask_. Who could he ask? Those whose privacy he had already overstepped?

There was a saying about curiosity and cats... Perhaps there needed to be one about dogs.

_Agh._

Another breach warning and flash of pain later and Shadowmaru found himself staring down at his arm. The uncomfortable feeling pulsed white static all the way to the sensors of his fingertips. He flexed his hand and felt the hot rush of sensation. Slowly, he relaxed, and watched trails of free-flowing fuel dry in his palm. The throbbing lessened. Now there was mostly warmth.

_And what do they feel..._

Slowly, he extended a finger. He used it to make a small, if gentle press against his uncurled palm. The feeling registered as... nothing special.

_Hm._

He tried it again. He made it two fingers, then three, and felt his lips crease into a frown. He was sure there hadn't been that much damage to his sensornet - he should still be able to feel with his hands, and he could. It felt as well as it normally did.

What puzzled him was that when Deckerd or Gunmax touched one another, it seemed to do - well,  _more_. There was something to it, Shadowmaru was sure. He understood why humans touched one another and why something modeled after them might do the same. He knew that it felt nice, or was supposed to, in a way that platonic touching didn't. There was a duality to it. His A.I. could almost make sense of it -  _almost_.

Still frowning, Shadowmaru dragged one fingertip slowly downward. Nothing. He felt a twisting sensation in his mind (sadness) and then the urge to laugh.

_Perhaps such things weren't meant for me._

He wondered if Gunmax would still be at the station when he returned. Deckerd stood more of a chance of being present than the wayward motorcycle detective did, although he also tended to be busier. If Shadowmaru was lucky neither would think much of his quick exit earlier.

If he was  _very_  lucky, they would both still be out as Power Joe had suggested, no doubt with each other and not minding his absence at all. Wrapped up in one another, maybe; laughing, exchanging jibes, or even those subtle, secretive touches they shared...

A dull heat flared in the back of Shadowmaru's consciousness. He startled and jerked the two fingers he hadn't realized he'd been tracing along his wound back from their movements. His optics focused on the marred tracks of violet and red. Several fans within him whirred; gears cinched, flicked uncertainly.

That had been... different.

Shadowmaru felt his jaw click tightly into place. He gazed at his hand a moment longer before pressing the digits back against his plating. In an effort to replicate the feeling, he trailed them over himself again.

It felt nice enough, but not like what he'd just experienced. His brow furrowed beneath shadow.

Them. Somehow it always came back to them. Shadowmaru flexed his fingers once under the weight of his own thoughts. These same thoughts bore down on him, shapeless and heavy and dark with unknowns. Then, he thought of  _them_. He thought of them with each other, and tried again.

Warmth welled beneath his fingertips. His next vent sucked in sharply.

_Of course._

While his movement became suddenly unsteady, his A.I. shifted into overdrive. Suddenly, his thoughts were Deckerd; suddenly, his thoughts were Gunmax; suddenly, he was seeing them, brief flashes, in mind and memory.

_Gunmax smirks. Somewhere behind his visor, two elegantly slanted optics light in mirth. He's dangerous and cunning, but his face is kind, as is his heart._

Is this it?

_Deckerd tilts his head at him. His usual air of authority has somehow lessened. In the quiet and the dark, he is open; earnest; warm, in a way Shadowmaru can feel without feeling with his hands._

This feeling...

A rumble from his chest jarred Shadowmaru back to reality. His armor burned. His internals twisted and slipped into erratic, labored rythms and slips of gears. He did not know how to describe it. His arm was pulsing; his hand had stilled.

He imagined Deckerd and Gunmax looking at him with fondness, and Gunmax's voice is wry when he says,  _"Well?"_

_Well?_

_"Are you just going to watch?"_

_I'm not sure._

_The space between them evaporates. Gunmax's voice, rough and lilting, fills his audials when the biker leans in and curls fingers against the back of his helm. "Yeah?" he whispers._

_Deckerd radiates assurance at his side. The Brave Detective's touch is firm, if kind; he reaches out while Gunmax speaks and meets Shadowmaru's gaze..._

_What am I doing?!_

Shadowmaru dropped his arms and the imagination vanished.

He sat there for several seconds attempting to compose himself. He felt hot, but when he dug his uninjured hand into his temple and exhaled sharply, it no longer felt so pleasant. No.

It just felt like a lot of anger.

_Look at yourself!_

He shoved the remainder of his broken armor back into his side compartment and ignored the beleageared creak of joints when he pushed himself up. It was a sudden motion and left him almost unsteady. He wobbled. His hands were fists.

"Never again." He had no right. He had  _no right._ Not as a comrade, not as a friend. Not as a  _machine_.

Very slowly, his hands relaxed. And instead of heat, there was emptiness.

/-eyoo! This is Drillboy, still trying to see if you're out here, Shadowmaru! Come on, answer already!/

Shadowmaru's head jerked up at the sudden comm. A jet engine roared by overhead. Through the stray specks of foliage, he saw a fleck of orange and red meandering through the sky. How long had...

/I'm here,/ he transmitted and grimaced at the cling of static to his voice.

/Shadowmaru!/ Drillboy did a loop and made a delighted whooping sound. /I knew we'd find you!/

/What are you doing here?/

/Power Joe and I tracked your badge! When you never called back, we got worried... Hey, Power Joe, I found him!/

/Where is he?/ a third voice cut in. Power Joe's tone was clipped and unmistakable.

/Uhh - Hey Shadowmaru, where are you?/

/You don't even know,/ Power Joe bemoaned. /You can't say you've found him if you don't know where he is, Doriko! That's just common courtesy./

/I  _ **half**_  found him!/

By this point Shadowmaru had already transformed. He rose above the trees as a jet. Above him, Drillboy pinwheeled in his own aerial mode and dived down to greet him.

/I'm fine,/ Shadowmaru transmitted to them both and despised how hollow it sounded. Fortunately, drilltanks were not known for their stellar sense of perception, so as long as he could outmaneuver Power Joe, then maybe he could be left alone.

/Oh?/ Drilboy said and beyond the internal sparking of severed wire, Shadowmaru felt something in him chill. Until Drillboy spun in a circle and shot off, anyway - which he did shortly after. /Hey, I see a bunch of cop cars over there.../ The soccer detective sounded curious. /Looks like some kind of building place./

Cop cars? Ah. The authorities must have arrived. /It's none of our business now./

/Aww./

/Tch. All this way for nothing,/ Power Joe grumbled from somewhere below them. The grind of his treads struck an odd cadence to the echo of his voice. /Can't you leave something for us for once?/

/It's not your place,/ Shadowmaru replied, and the words hurt, because they were really meant for him. /I'm better on my own./

/Yeah, well, you aren't on your own now, big shot./

Shadowmaru focused on a faraway gathering of grey clouds.

_Just look at yourself._

/So... Are we headed back?/ Drillboy butted in. /Hey, I know! We could stop by the stadium-/

/Don't even think about it,/ Power Joe's reprimand was swift. /We're still on duty, so act like it./

/Hmph!/

Shadowmaru registered a few tiny, stray sparks that escaped the warped plating of his undercarriage. He watched them flicker and vanish in the air below them. The three Brave units peeled away from the mission site and bypassed waves of hills and fields to head toward the light of the city lost somewhere in the lingering overcast. Somewhere far in the distance was home.

/Hey Shadowmaru,/ Power Joe transmited. /Anyone ever tell you that you really know how to hang up on a robot?/

/I'm sorry,/ Shadowmaru replied, though the power shovel had sounded more bemused than offended. /I didn't mean to make you worry./

/I wasn't worried,/ Drillboy declared, obviously ignoring (or forgetting) what he'd said earlier.

/Of course./

/Yeah,/ Power Joe drawled. /And I guess you aren't orange, either./

To Shadowmaru's relief, the rest of the trip was silence (excepting Drillboy asking whether they could jet off and leave Power Joe behind because power shovels travelled  _ **sooooo**_ _slow_.) In the moments of quiet, Shadowmaru could feel the broken bits inside him that ground like something raw; like little pieces that remembered feeling something more than hurt.

_That feeling..._

From somewhere below, a stray human officer's radio wave brushed against Shadowmaru's scanners. He picked up several voices made increasingly distant.  
 _  
"How's it looking over there?"_

_"Looks like someone cleaned house."_

_"Who'd they send?"_

_"No idea..."_


End file.
